Barry Bonds

BONDS ADMITS STEROID USE; QUITS BASEBALL

(AP)

SANFRANSISCO, Ca -- In a stunning announcement today, San Fransisco left fielder Barry Bonds came clean. In an early morning press conference, ostensibly scheduled to discuss the aging slugger's knee problems, Bonds surprised the room, and the world, with the admission.

"It's true. I used. I'm using... still am, actually. The book, they got it right. For the most part they got it right," Bonds stated, his eyes downcast; his shoulders slumped.

Rampant speculation, most recently brought to a fever pitch with the impending publication of "Game of Shadows" co-authored by San Fransisco Chronicle reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, has finally led to conclusive proof. From the Giant's own mouth.

"I couldn't keep away from the book, from the truth. It's easy to lie. I've gotten real good at it," Bonds continued at 9:14am this morning, "...real good."

Bonds said that on Thursday of last week, he began "scanning" the book excerpt in the most recent issue of Sports Illustrated.

"I just thought I'd see what they had on me, you know? And my eyes... as they looked at the pages, at the dates, at the names... it was clear that they had me.... and my eyes... I just broke down. I thought about the work I'd have to do, the heavy lifting in trying to talk my way out of it. And I thought about the truth... about telling the truth... and man, it looked so much easier to do that. To tell the truth."

And with that, Bonds announced his retirement, and in taking potential pressure away from baseball commissioner Bud Selig, he finished his brief statement with, "so I'm done. I retire. And the numbers, the records... I don't want 'em. Ignore me, disregard me... at the very least use that asterisk. Because I cheated. I cheated. And it's not fair to baseball, to the fans... to let that stand."

He then rose from the table, ignoring the flurry of questions from reporters, and started to walk off stage.

He stopped, though, and returned to microphone. Leaning in he finished:

"I'm sorry."

And then, he walked off for good.